Life is Overwhemling..

Have you ever felt like giving up?

Well, just about now I do. I am just so done with everything. I am only 19 and already feel that way.

Just to give you the idea of what is going on; my grandfather passed away In february from Esophagus cancer. :( Since than my life has been complete hell. Anyways, About the last year and half of his life I moved in to help out since his health was decreasing very fastly. Well, my family pretty much turned there back on me since than.

Now, I'm trying to enroll for college and find a job in this recession. When I could use my "family" the most they are not there? What is the damn definition of family? I just don't understand. They have lied to me several hundred times and stabbed me in the back so many times and now they turn me around and want my help. It's just like what more can I do or even handle. I have finally started to stand up for myself and not let them walk all over me. But, its so hard because I just want them to to "love" me. Right now they hate the hell out of me.

They don't think I have any feelings, I suppose? I don't even know what to say? My mother and I got into an arguement this evening and I am just like really? I am just so tired of arguing and drama,, Some family. Ha!

Lately, I havent really cared about anything really, Not college or family (good family) ,, nothing really. I think I am severly depressed but I don't want to go to the doctor. They just try to shove medicine down your throat anyways. but yeah, I have never been like this. I just want to be happy for once. My effing mother thinks I'm doing drugs and I'm just like ugh..

But I do have to say, One thing that usually can ALWAYS cheer me is my bess' frann' Alexis Segura. It is unbelievable how just a 20 minute conversation with him can make my mood change :) I don't know how he does it but he is one of the most amzing people I have ever met. Period, Screw what other people think :D

But, I just had to clear my mind, and I'm not going to let family drama get in the ways of my dreams and life.It just makes me want to work harder to prove to them that I don't need their sorry asses. I am a fighter and I can make it. Best believe that :):):):)

With God all things are possible =]