August 24, 2009 :DD

Mmkay :) I am so excited to start college.

I went and got my books last week, that set me back 408 dollars. That is a lot of damn money to spend on a backpack and 5 books.
Well, than I went to orientation on Tuesday and it kind of made me nervous but I am still stoked for tomorrow. They tried to bribe us with candy to answer questions. I was like hmm, We are not 5 anymore but it was funn. We sat there for like 2 hours listening to several teachers repeat themselves. We went on a tour to find our classes, found out I have to like hike to my classes(exaggerating). Just so you understand, I went to charter school mostly all educated years, and the population was like 2 including me. haha But for real, My campuses were really small. Didn't even have to go outside to get to the next class.Oh! and my graduated class held 7 students. Yes, SEVEN. hah So this is going to be a big change for me. It's going to be pretty awesome though.

I am a full time student as I mentioned before. I decided to take a lifetime fitness class which started the 22nd. To pass the class you have to have done 40 hours of work out time by the end of the semester. Thinking we were smart, my cousin and I decided to work out 2 hours yesterday. Lets just say 'Exhausting'. We are gunna cut it down to an 1 until we get into the hang of it. It's gunna be a good class, and good for our health.

Monday, Wednesday && Fridays-
I start my math class at 8 am sharp :) So early for math, right? hah
That class gets over at 8:50 than I have to rush to my Psychology class which starts at 9 am.
Seriously, it's pretty far but I timed it and rushing it took me five minutes to get there.
That is the class I am most excited for.

Tuesdays && Thursdays-
Math at 8 am :DD
than English from 9:00 til' 10:15, ugh.
Than I have to rush my cousin to a whole different campus and be back for my Sign Language class at 11 am,, Think I can do it?
Sign is from 11 am til' 12:50 pm. I hope I enjoy it because that is my longest class,
So I pretty much have a full schedule andd I want to pick up a part time job.

I have always enjoyed school, but high school and college are two way different things, I hear.
That's cool because I am so tired of the high school drama, oh boy! hah
Hopefully, I do well and keep my grades up.
Oh! one more thing! I am going to join a couple clubs I hope and one is going to be the
Gay Straight Alliance Club :):):)

Okay, I am done babbling :DD
I'll be back tomorrow after my first day of college:)
hahah, wish me luckk!!!

I am so pissed..

Okay, So I know everyone is sick and tired of my blogs that just seem to be about the same thing. Depressingly, that's all my life is right now is a repeat of the same thing.



Lets set the story up, ( as if it was interesting, right? hha) My brother is a complete asshole. If any of you need confirmation than hit up my good buddy,Alexis. Anyways, He is 16 damn years old && is the most ungrateful , ill-mannered boy I have ever had to associate myself with.



This boy smokes, yes I said smokes, but can't afford the habit. My mother buys them. That is a whole different topic though. He doesn't do shit. NOTHING. Unless there is something in it for him. I am like rambling but there is just so much I want to say.



A few years ago, While our friends were visiting our dog got out the front door and got hit several times. Sadly, She passed away. From that experience we have always been over protective of our dogs and the doors around our house being left open. Well, Soon after we had gone out for the night and our other dog, Angel, and our cousins dog , AC, got through the side gate and the same thing happened. They were hit and soon died at the dogggie hospital. :( As you could imagine we became so much more protective. And luckly haven't had anything tragic happen like that since.



Now that I set that up, I just think that people should have common courtesy to like hold the door open, if see someone struggling help them etc. especially gentlemen. Yeah right, my brother as absolutely no manners not even for his own mother. He says "I'll do it for my girlfriend , but you guys are family so I'm not gunna do it." I agree he needs to do it for his girlfriend but we ARE family and we will always be there. Girlfriends come and go, family doesn't.



Tonight my mother and I were working on the backyard, of course he was in his room. I came inside and asked him to carry the barrel from the backyard to the front curb. He ignored me. I had to sit down because I had a brain-splitting headache so he let my mother move that heavy barrel full of scraps and tree branches. He never got up to help her so I got up and went to help her.While trying to get through the back door to help her all 3 dogs out the door. Hmm, open gate + 3 dogs= Same incident, different day. I was like screaming for him and so worried that they were gunna get out. He didn't even come. Stupid ass. I had to get all the dogs back in before they got out.



Point of the effing story is that if his sorry ass would have just got up and helped our mother do it in the first place this wouldn't even have happened. I was so pissed, it made my headache worse. I just don't understand? He is this grown and has no respect for his mother. If he would've said anything stupid, oh it would have been on. I wanted him to say something so I could have hit him in his face. Not even lying. :)

I'm sorry if it sounds like I have the writing skills of a 3rd grader but at this point I don't even care. Just had to get it out,,


Mann, I feel so much better now.
I'm gunna go to bed!
Goodnight.

Debating..

Okayy, So I have realized that I enjoy debating. Now, I'm not all like expert at it at all , but I do enjoy it. I will keep debating rather or not I am wrong or right. I do have to admit that I hate hate hate being wrong. hha, Don't know why but I do.
A few things that I have debated about for like hours at a time:
Speeding Cameras - && I am for them,
Young marriage - Very much against it.
Obama- for him, Lost that one =[
Vegetarian(ism) - Hard Subject.
Etc.

But anyways, To the subject at hand->
I was in the car tonight and my bother made a very rude comment
about Micheal Jackson && it set me off. People don't even understand when they insult him around me it upsets me. I would just think that they would have more respect for someone who passed. Not even just because he is a legend but he is a human being. He deserves to REST IN PEACE. Regardless of what people think of him he shouldn't be disrespected like this. Within a couple days of his passing I received numerous forwards insulting him and belittling him. I just don't understand people. I really don't. I could imagine the pain his whole family is going through and have to listen to all the insults and stuff. RIDICULOUS >=/

He is THEE Legend of Pop. Nobody will ever take his place. Now as far as the accusations against him for child molestation, I believe that it is false. My opinion is because he did not receive the childhood that almost every kid dreams of, he created the Neverland Ranch. I believe he created it for kids to get to enjoy their childhood to the fullest. Also, He use to be loaded with money until the last few years , but It was a perfect set up. Money&kids, it just seems to me like a simple way to get money. And there are quite a few people out there that are morbid enough to do something like that. I'm just sick of people trying to tell me how to think and it should be this way and that way. That is one thing I do not do is force what I think on other people. I just believe that he didn't do that.

Also, I do have to say that my brother was making a huge deal about people starting to listen to his music more now that he is gone. To me that is just normal. As stated on the news, he is back to #1 on most playlist and etc. Sure, their are people that have listened to his music rarely but it's just out of respect. I didn't listen to his music everyday , all day but I did enjoy it and thought it was amazing and now that he is gone I do listen to his music more and I do have some ringtones. It's just normal, right? && Another thing about Michael Jackson is that regardless of the different age groups there are so many people that admired him. From 5 to 105, so many enjoyed it.

So to you Michael, I hope you
REST IN PEACE.
&& there are many people that respect you and that is what you deserve.
You will forever live on in my heart and many others.

P.S. While I'm on this subject, I have to give respect to my grandfather.
R.I.P Grandpa Ed
I Love you so much,, I know you are going to make everything better :)

So Excitedd :)

So, I start Mesa Community College -> August 22nd :)



&& I am so excited, beyond belief.
Most people don't like school and like are kind of like whatever
But, I can not wait.

I am going to school for social work :)
Hoping to one day get my doctrine in Psychology
It is my dream and I will succeed.

I am going full time and finally happy to be doing something with my life :D
I have college everyday=/
I am taking Math, English, Sign Language && PSY 101.
Next semester I hope to take photography on the side.
This is the one thing that I am finally looking forward too.

I have a mandatory orientation this Saturday,
Dude, Bring it on.
I can't wait to be successful.

The One-Armed boxer

This is a poem my friend posted. Not sure if she wrote it or not but I like it :)
Enjoy!

I'm weak like a one-armed boxer,
Throwing punch after punch,
After punch, I, I give in.
I'm so dumb and,
Surprised,
When they duck.

A scared pair,
Of walking soldiers.
We're all wounded anyway,
In our respective ways.

Scientists, they,
Couldn't fix me.
I'm so tired,
Of getting out of bed,
But who would want to die as a cowardly little child?
When our time is up,
Will we be ashamed or proud?

You stretch the truth like a crooked salesman.
Telling lie after lie,
After lie but,
Where's the line?
You burn bridges,
You're breaking down dams.

Scientists, they,
Couldn't fix me.
I'm so tired,
Of getting out of bed,
But who would want to die as a cowardly little child?
When our time is up,
Will we be ashamed or proud?

Let's take this train,
For one last stop.
I know,
It's not the end,
But it can't be that far.

Scientists, they,
Couldn't fix me.
I'm so tired,
Of getting out of bed,
But who would want to die as a cowardly little child?
When our time is up,
Then our time is up.

Scientists, they,
Couldn't fix me.
I'm so tired,
Of getting out of bed,
But who would want to die as a cowardly little child?
When our time is up,
Will we be ashamed or proud?

Frustrated..

Okay, Let me just start with saying music is amazing and the best way to express your feelings. For me, without music I couldn't make it, I use it in so many ways.
It helps me express to people how much I care for them or how they hurt me.
Just so many ways for music to influence my life.
That's why I listen to every genre of music.
From country to rap to jazz to R&B :)
Now, if your open to listening to any type of music you should listen to
Life ain't always Beautiful by Gary Allen :D
It is an Uhh-mazing song, It's sad but give it try.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand :)
So, if you guys have been reading my blogs than you know I have a lot of family drama and it kind of sucks just because I have a 14 year old cousin who I adore with all my heart <3
We have (had) a awesome relationship, she has loved me since she was little.
I have always been her hero growing up. She always wants to hang out and spend the night and she just loves me. It's amazing because I love her so much but this family strain has made it non existent. My birthday came and went but the day of my birthday her mother called me not to wish me a happy birthday but to come get some vicoden. Didn't even acknowledge the fact that it is my birthday, but made it totally apparent yelling at me because I didn't call my cousin on her birthday, Which, in fact, I did but she was at softball practice and they didn't pass on the message. Long story short, my aunt has made me seem like such a horrible person and my cousin is young so I hope she doesn't end up hating me :(
It's not fair to the younger kids in the family but I guess that's how it is and I'll have to wait until she is 18 to ever have a relationship again..

I truly miss my grandfather. When he was still alive everything was fine. We were such a 'happy' family,, what happen?
I want to go back please?
I miss my grandmother(before she started ughh,) and my family.
I feel so alone. Unloved && not wanted, nobody has called.
I just miss everything, being grown isn't fun.
Being 6 or 7 and just worrying about playing with my friends was so much easier.

Sometimes I just feel like calling it quits, but I'm not gonna give my family the gratification of that. So Imma dust it off && keep going. It's all gunna be worth it in the long run, right?
Just don't fret the small things.
be happy for what you have :):):)
I love the family that I have.

Smileee =]
It's hard but it's worth it,,

New Moon :)

<- I am so super excited to see this movie.

OMG.. I can't wait :)

Taylor Launter is so sexy in this movie.

I'm being ubber random right now, hha

but, I LOVE Rob's hair hahah

Counting down the days until November 20 :D

Anyone else excited? Express, share, gossip about your strange addiction to the Twilight Saga :):):) It's normal!!

I want to read the books all over again,, =]

&& I CAN NOT wait until Breaking Dawn comes out, even though I will be like 22 or 23, So What :)

Jury Duty XD

Okay, So I have to attend a jury summons Monday, the 10th =/


&& I'm not gunna lie, I am really nervous.
What should I expect, If any of you guys have gone?
It's an all day thing, from 8 am til' 5 pm


You have to be 18 and once you registered to vote you become qualified to be called to
jury duty. Damn, if i would've known that. haha
But really? Have any of you guys gone?
I would like to know what's up?

It's all the way in the damn boondocks, ugh :)

BUT, I am excited about starting college on August 22nd :):)
Hell yeah!

Okay, I am out -> G O O D N I G H T =]

Drama =/

Okay, just to forewarn you...there is going to be a lot of rambling in this blog, just have a few feelings I need to get out. :(

Where to start? Lets start here, my parents divorced when I was 10 or 11 because my father beat us and I am sure some other things that my mother did that I now believe. As you know that can be painful and tragic for any kids. Although my father beat me, I was a major daddy's girl at heart. i love my dad so much. When they divorced , of course, I chose to move with my mother out of fear of my father. Oh boy! Do I wish I would've stayed with my father. A few months after they had split... ohh, its so hard for me to say this but I was molested by my sisters fiancee. When I was a little young he would always compliment me and would say "Erica if you were as old as your sister, I would marry you" ,But as a young kid I thought nothing of it you know? Well, He meant it more than I thought and ended up molesting me. Sick ass pervert. When my mother found out I was visiting my father and I was so scared when he got off the phone with her. Well, story short, my father didn't believe me nor my sister. Why? I was young there is no way I would've made up a story like that. I just don't understand. Since than, I haven't really been close to my dad, I guess you could say.

My mother believed me , but it hurt that some people didn't. Needless to say, my sister still married that bastard and my dad walked her down the aisle. I have always hid that pain but I will always live it and knowing that they didn't believe me.

Life goes on. I had lived with my mother up until like 5 or 6 months ago. OMG! It was complete hell. I have a sister named Danielle, 22 and a brother named Eddie, 16. For some reason my mother has been a lot more distant with me than the other 2. When Danielle lived at home she sneaked out, had sex, sneaked boys in the house etc. Actually, it resulted in her getting a STD, one they don't have a cure for. And my mother treated her like royalty, like she couldn't do anything wrong. Eddie, oh boy, where to start? This boy has no manners, so disrespectful and nasty but does she discipline him? He has been suspended from every school he has gone to and is plain out stupid. Does drugs and recently got caught by the police smoking pot on school campus after hours. BUT who did she treat like shit? Give up? ME =/ I have always been an A or B student, never sneaked out, wasn't a slut. Pretty much spent all my life stuck at home because every time I asked my mother to do something it was the famous "NO". No reason just because she could.

It was my senior year. You know, The Big Bad Seniors =) The last year,, live it up, right? I only had a couple classes a day , so I would leave or go do something with the senior class. She got pissed. We would go out for lunch or something, she said " why? , there is stuff you could be doing at home." What the hell? I'm not lying when I tell you that I was the black sheep of the family. All this stuff has bothered me for so long.

Fast forward-> my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, I know I have mentioned this before. Me being the good person that I try to be, I volunteered to come stay with them and help take of him because every one flaked. Everything went so sour. When my grandma got a new car my sister got her old car and that was suppose to be the same with me. When my grandfather had passed my grandma was going to get a new car and she did...but she lied. She came to me and told me That her old one was falling apart and the parts were hard to find so she was going to sell it and give me the money to get a different one. pssh, all the sudden she needed that money for bills or something some lame ass excuse. There is so much more to the story but I would be writing all afternoon if I typed it. Point of the story she lied to me. DAMMIT. Why? I was there for her when they needed me the most, I WAS THERE. Since my grandfather has passed I decided to cut off connection to my family. The day he passed, it was like they were ready for me to pack up and leave. kicked me out, treated me like dirt, walked all over me.

My mother is so shady and when I was doing good she was there ready to use my money and whatever, but now I need help. I have been so busy helping everybody around me I haven't had time to even focus on my self. I need help now and everybody has disappeared. But I have my cousins ( Charlesetta, Dominique, Adrianne) who have been here for me through the worse. I just need 30 dollars from my mom when she borrowed 5 or 600. shady ass people, I tell you.

My whole 'family' has turned their backs. I have so much hate in my heart towards them for what they have done. I don't want to but I do. My father is starting to talk to me again but i am scared he has hurt me too. I just don't love them at all. None of them.

I wish I could type out my whole life story so people wouldn't think I am exaggerated or being over dramatic. Well, I got the main things out I guess. So much more I would like to say but can't. I'm drained. My mom hates me and my family is stupid and fake. I'm so tired of this.

Smile-> Even though your heart is aching :(

Sorry for the rambling and random stuff.
just had to get it out.
There are probably mistakes but, oh well.
LIFE GOES ON.

Random :)

This man is so sexy, this is so random but he is B E A U T I F U L :)

Sexy picture of the day, what do you think?

Eminem VS. Mariah Carey XD

So I don't know if you guys have been keeping up with the whole Eminem and Mariah thing but I think it is freakin' hilarious :)

Mariah Carey made a song named Obsessed and I think it is a stupid song. I am not really fond of Mariah Carey except for her song named Hero but that's besides the point. When Obsessed first hit the radio, I thought it was a annoying song && I didn't even know she was speaking about Eminem. The song is stupid and the lyrics are weak, I guess you could say.

"You're delusional, you're delusional,
Boy you're losing your mind.
It's confusing yo, you're confused you know,
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up, with your Napoleon complex,
Seein' right through you like you're bathin' in Windex."

( Here is the link to watch the Obsessed music video if you haven't heard it )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpiwPXkbVc



Really? Like you're bathin' in Windex? hha Wow because she isn't 40 years old right? I just think she should have put it together alot better if she was gunna be 'dissin' on somebody, especially Eminem =/ So than, Eminem came back with his song called The Warning. Let me just say wow :) He roasted her, didn't even give her a damn chance. Why she even put a song like this out, she dated him, you think she would know he has a don't give damn attitude. To me, he is not that type to put you on blast unless you ask for it and hell she sent him the invitation. haha =)

Apparently, Se has a lot of hidden secrets that she has kept from Nick Cannon. I bet with this song by Eminem, Nick is asking alot of questions. Well, She asked for it , but I dont think this is the end. Way to go Eminem! Stand your ground. It's a shame it happened this way but it did and I think Mariah better stop while she is still a little bit ahead. He just put it so blunt ,he wasn't trying to beat around the bush like she did. You should listen to it. I am a big fan of Eminem , in fact, 8 mile is my top 10 list. haha I just think she asked for it and he threw it back at her hard, he is gaving her a warning, hence the title The Warning. She better just stop now.

Well here is The Warning, if you were curious. You might want to look up the lyrics and read them while it plays.



I would love to have your input on what you think about this whole situation.
Thank you for reading :D
Enjoy!

Self-Esteem :D

I know most people that read this blog are going to look at that picture in disgust and might even stop reading it, but I don't care. I look at that as courageous and strong. To me it shows me that they love them selves for who they are and not for what people "think" they should be :)

I think that the way society is today that people are afraid to be who they want to be. Not just plus size people , but Anorexic, emo(I guess you would say), homosexuals, ethnicity , handicapped etc. It shouldn't hurt to be who you are. People do not get to live their life to the fullest because of the way they think society would portray them. It's not fair. Why shouldn't people be treated equal? What makes one label better than the other? If people were not so worried about "labeling" everybody and would just live there life, they would learn that it's okay to be different and unique.

To me there is nothing wrong with this picture ->
They are just expressing their love just like a 'straight' couple would. There is nothing wrong with gay and lesbian couples, Love is Love regardless of gender. Also I think that this is such a personal matter that it shouldn't be such a big deal. It shouldn't be blown up and brought into public like it is. Who cares? Let people be happy, Damn. they are NOT hurting anybody? Are they now? I actually hate like labeling gays and lesbians like 'they' and 'them' because everybody is equal. No one person is better than the next. Actually, when I see a gay or lesbian couple walking down the street holding hands and expressing their feelings for each other, I smile big. It just makes me happy to know that they don't give a Fuck (excuse the language) what people say. I know I keep rambling on , but I can't help it :D One more thing on this topic....I was watching Bruno(not that good of a movie) && at the end my cousin and I stood up and were hollering Gay Pride && Pro Gay or whatever && my brother got embarrassed and told us to shut up and I just feel so sorry for him because he is living his life the way society has made everybody else. I try to live by this..I would rather die standing up for what I believe in rather than living in the shadows. LOVE IS LOVE <3 I SUPPORT =)

I just really wish people were not afraid to be them selves, my self included. Being a 'plus-size' girl, I do sometimes look down upon myself ,but little by little I am learning to love my self for who I am. I have accepted the fact that I am not and never will be the size 3 woman on a magazine cover or the girl all the dogs..I mean men chase after but I am fine with that. Society and Hollywood have made plus size look like such a negative thing. Face it girls, those models that we see that are like a size double zero-> THAT IS NOT REALISTIC! It's not bad to be voluptuous or curvy, you have to learn to love your self as you are. We are sexy just like this ->



Be proud to be different..I tend to live my life by quotes :) " The world would be a boring place, if we all looked the same." So embrace your small butt,big hips, flat chest, big nose, crooked smile && perfect ears-> That's what makes you so unique and what makes you--> YOU!

Regardless our race, size, sexuality, and so on and so forth just learn to be our self and be happy with who we are. We just have to learn to be ourselves and not care what people have to say about us. There will ALWAYS be people out there who think they are better than everyone else but just remember to hold your head high and just know that everybody is equal. I know society will always be messed up and there will always be racist, homophobic and just haters period but a slight piece of me just knows that one day there will be a change.

Special section just for my cousin who shall remain nameless :) You are gorgeous from the inside out. you may be :)CURVY(: but your personality shines so bright anyways. Don't let anyone I mean ANYONE let you think your not a FABULOUS person because honeyyy let me tell you :D So you don't have a man , that doesn't make you any less gorgeous or unattractive. You are amazing and deserve only best <3 I lovee you && hope you already knew this.

Gah, I been rambling huh? haha Okay I think I am done for tonight. Every person is beautiful, EVERYBODY. So your handicapped or Mentally disabled, you are gorgeous for who you are. Learn to love yourself =) Stupid Society and its made up materialistic self. Imma end with a quote :p of courseeee,,haha “Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.”

Finally I will end this post :) I bet your happy,, Goodnight and I hope we start loving ourselves for who we are..oh yeah :) Love it-------->



You should really take a look at this website & support the campaign, its amazing ->
http://www.noh8campaign.com and the pictures are pretty awesomeee =)

Goodnight && Thank you for reading :) I appreciate it :D