Tiimme and the channnges :]

Okay, I finally decided to get back into this blogging thing again. It is very needed. A lot has changed in the last year. It is so crazy. Well, here it is.

I am now living with my amazing sister, Telitha. I was once again 'kicked out' by mother. This time though, i am not moving back home. Man, I have had so much drama. Sometimes I just think the world is caving in around me, but than I realize the amazing people I do have in my life.

After I moved out of my mother I pretty much cut contact with the rest of my family. They are so much more drama than I need right now. They have proved time and time again that they don't need me, only when its convenient for them. I'm done with that bullshit. So instead of continuing down that road of nowhere I risked the chance of moving in my sister, and the only reason I say that is because of what I was going through than,

Let me tell you, best decision in my life. I am now gaining a relationship with my sister that I have never thought would happen. She has proven to me that she does love me and accepts me for who I am and doesn't expect me to be something I am not. She is opening my eyes to different kind of feelings. Trying to show me there is love in this world. I do not believe in love and though she is continuing to show me, it is still going to take time. I am just so happy that my sister gave me the chance. I am in absolute amazement at how my life is finally coming together and the friends that have been made through this part of my life.

I need to give them a little credit.

Julius; When I first met this man I would have never thought of him being like this. Hilarious, who would've known. Now, we are great friends. We laugh constantly and joke about everything. I just couldn't see my life without him. He doesn't even realize it but he has made things a lot easier with what has been going on. Cheering me up, when he knows I am down. Simple things, that he doesn't even realize. He may say he is an asshole, but he is amazing. So, thanks Julius, even though you may say this 'gay'. hah FUCK YOU, Pork Chop! hahha

Mookie&Marnier; These two guys are amazing too. Really, i don't even know what to say. Even though mookie has had his ignorant times. He is still really funny and a joy to be around. Marnier, is really amazing. such a gentleman. So funny and accepting. I am so happy these three men came into my life. They have only made it better.

BUT, a super thanks to my sister because without her opening her doors to me I would not have met any of them. Telitha you are such an amazing person. I am at a loss for words when I try to express how important you are to me. You have shown me you love me regardless of what happens. You took a chance on your relationship with our father for me. Something that has been fought for for yeaaars. You have went beyond in making me feel accepted here. You are such an amazing person and deserve nothing but the best.

I have been through so much in the last couple years and still frown at what has happened. But, day by day things seem to be getting better. I still miss my grandfather so much. So so much. But everything happens for a reason and I am trying to slowly accept that. I feel like I am rambling, but there is so much I want to say.

I miss my family so much, and I feeel so forgotten. They have hurt me so many times and I feel like my life is better off without them, but they haven't even tried to contact me or anything. I am completely nonexistent to them. I have no relationship with my mother nor father. Sometimes I feel so alone. I know I am not, but I can't help but feel that way sometimes.

Okay, now I know I am rambling, but I have one more thing to say.

My best friend is going through an extremely hard time right now. I just want him to know I am here for him, but needs to understand just as he is going through stuff so am I. I want to help, but it's like he doesn't allow it. We use to be so close. Time as made our relationship so strained. I miss the times we had and the laughter we shared, But it has changed so much. It is hard, really. Now that I have other people in my life, we don't talk as much as we use too. It just sucks. He means so much to me and has been there through everything. He is an amazing person and deserves to be happy and if I am keeping him from it than this is the best than. I just pray that his family gets through this together and soon see the happiness that will come in future days. You guys are amazing and deserve the best. Alexis, don't think that you don't mean anything to me know, you are a awesome person. Love ya.

Okay, I am finally going to end this. I know this entry is everywhere. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest.

Thank you to every person that is in my life right now.

:)Telitha

:)Alexis

:)Mike

:)Julius

:)Marnier'

:)Moookie

*those are just a few, you guys are great!

Okkkkaaaaay! Bye!